We Insult because we Love
31 March 2004
| The_Scene: |
Shopping. Well, not so much shopping, as idly drifting past retail outlets whilst continuously abusing each other. Friends are cool like that.
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| Shine: |
Oooh, shoeshop.
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| Jac: |
Mmmmm, shoes.
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| Shine: |
Shall we?
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| Jac: |
Lead on, Macduff.
|
|
[A shop assistant materialises out of nowhere in a well-planned stealth ambush]
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| Assistant: |
Hi!!!! Can I help at all?
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| Jac: |
Gah! We’re fine thanks.
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| Shine: |
[inarticulate mumble]
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| Assistant: |
Let me know if you need anything, OK??!?!?!!
|
|
[returns to lie in wait for next victim]
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| Jac: |
Where in hell did she spring from?
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| Shine: |
Her unquiet sleep in a zombie grave?
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| Jac: |
It’s a given, in retail. No, I mean, who knows what they want the very second they walk in the door? I’ve barely figured out what this place sells.
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| Shine: |
Shoes. I tell you this ’cause you’re none too bright.
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| Jac: |
True. My mouthbreathing does disturb the neighbours.
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| Shine: |
It’s a wonder you bother to go to shoe shops at all. I mean, it must be difficult to buy shoes, considering your freakishly deformed feet.
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| Jac: |
It’s the extra toes.
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| Shine: |
I thought it was the webbing.
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| Jac: |
No, that doesn’t bother me. Also, I can swim like the dolphins.
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| Shine: |
You look like a dolphin.
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| Jac: |
Ah. That’ll be the blowhole. Nature is cruel.
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| Shine: |
I’ve never liked dolphins. Why do the New Agers love them so much? They’ve got that creepy grin, you know they’re up to someth – oooh. Cool boots.
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| Jac: |
Those ones? I like the green lining. And they’re … [looks at price tag] … made from leather tanned from the Queen Mother’s corgi, by the looks of the price.
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| Shine: |
Mmmmm. Expensive corgi boots.
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| Jac: |
Mmmmm. Free goo.
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| Shine: |
AH! COBRAS!
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|
[Heads turn]
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| Shine: |
[sotto voce] Night terrors, ma’am.
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| Jac: |
Behave or we’ll be escorted out. Again. So are you trying on the corgi boots?
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| Shine: |
Neh. Expensive dog, the corgi.
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| Jac: |
You know those words that sound weird when you keep saying them?
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| Shine: |
Corgi?
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| Jac: |
You feel it too.
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| Shine: |
Corgi corgi corgi.
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| Jac: |
I shall name my first born Corgi.
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| Shine: |
I would seriously pay you to do that.
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| Jac: |
This is why you never have any money.
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| Shine: |
True. And I’m hungry.
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| Jac: |
Corgi?
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| Shine: |
Sushi.
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| Jac: |
Dolphin friendly?
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| Shine: |
God no.
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"Make a remark," said the Red Queen: "Its ridiculous to leave all conversation to the pudding!"
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phantasmagoriaReading:
Stephen King, "Everything's Eventual". I found this abandoned in a suitcase.
Listening:
The snores of the Little Dog, who sadly seems just as loud and snorty at night as the Brown Dog.
Watching:
Endless episodes of UFC, which is some sort of fighting... thing. Do not want.
Eating:
I'm having a bit of an avocado binge. The Little Dog likes them too.
Liking:
Renovations! Apart from the cost of said renovations. Let's not think about that part.
Pondering:
If there is dirty washing in the basket, the cats ignore it... but if it is CLEAN, one of them has made a nest in there within 10 minutes. Five minutes, if it's black clothes.
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Just wanted to say I enjoyed finding and reading a bit of your blog. You’re funny (not like a clown – more like a well written sitcom). Yep.
That’s pretty much it.