– In a rare fit of preparedness, I purchased some small snack-type food items to leave at work for lunch and snack goodness. One said item was a bag of treat-sized pitted prunes (mmmm! prunes as treats! I will never buy chocolate again!) Today I ripped open my Big Bag O’ Prunes and retrieved a small bag, to treat myself. With prunes. My co-worker watched in fascination as I attempted to open the bag … to find three prunes. Three. Prunes. I was so disheartened I barely summoned the energy to eat them. Why do They ration my prunes in this manner? Do they think my bowels will spontaneously explode? Do only three prunes even constitute a treat?
– Disappointed with the meagre prune ration, I purchased myself a Coke. In a plastic bottle, from the vending machine. The Coke and I travelled back up two flights of stairs and back to my desk. I left the Coke to its own devices for five minutes or so to deal with my bleak existential despair at the lack of prunes. (so few! why so few?) Eventually my thirst overcame my angst and I opened the Coke. Which exploded spectacularly – over my desk, up my wall, narrowly missing my Crappy Ass Laptop (dammit!) and sending a few warning sprays out towards my co-workers. Why, Coke, why? Why did you explode into sudden violence, lashing out at those around you? We only want to help you, Coke. Oh, and drink you. But that’s for your own good.
– Someone in Marketing has written some romance copy for one of our new products. In complete seriousness, she described it as “deliciously stable”. Words fail me. … and her, obviously.