It’s August already?

Thing to Note #1:

Urg. Food overload. I am walking with a slight list to starboard at the moment – all the meat I have eaten over the past few weeks has lodged itself directly under my spleen, and is decomposing malevolently.

Thing to Note #2:

In a related event, I have returned to the gym. I know they’re disappointed. The receptionist looked at me sadly, as if to say: we were making so much money out of you. And now you have to turn up and befoul the pool with your human body. Wouldn’t you rather remove yourself from our sight, and continue to pay us large amounts of guilt money?



Thing to Note #3:

I am entirely sick of mopping the kitchen floor. Would the DOG who keeps taking RUN-UPS from the courtyard, LEAPING through the back door and SLIDING 3 metres across the kitchen tiles, please take the time to wipe his damn paws before he does so? No? Then I will SHUT THE DOOR, mister, and don’t come crying to me when you come crashing through the glass …. hang on, I may have to rethink this.

Thing to Note #4:

Mr. T: “This chopping board is $60.”

Me: “What’s it made out of? People?”

Mr. T: “GOLD-PLATED people.”