My dogs love human attention. I constantly point out to the Black Dog that we got him the Brown Dog so that he wouldn’t bother us so much, but somehow this genius move has backfired. Whenever we turn around, one dog or another is piled in an untidy heap on the floor, watching our every move with intent adoring eyes.
In other words, my dogs require continual patting. And perhaps I should point out that I have Large Dogs, so the patting isn’t the gentle caress on the head I imagine small dogs enjoy.
Black Dog’s favourite patting method is being whacked vigorously on the bum, accompanied by the whacker chanting “Whack on the bum! Whack on the bum!” Black Dog contorts his fat furry body in joy, rapidly licking at nothing in an anteater-like manner. Very open, the Black Dog.
Brown Dog, on the other hand, prefers to be patted by guests. He surveys the people sitting on the couch, pads quietly up to his chosen victim, bows his head, and rests it gently on their midsection as if offering up a sacrifice. “Awwww,” most people say indulgently, and absently ruffle Brown Dog’s fluffy ears whilst continuing to talk, or watch TV, or whatever. Unobtrusively, Brown Dog increases the weight-bearing load, leaning his head incrementally harder and harder upon his chosen subject. Just as the victim realises what is happening, Brown Dog collapses forward completely and throws all his weight onto his rock-hard skull, buckling both front legs to get the maximum effect. Most people keep patting him, purely out of reflex, as they struggle to breathe.Very sneaky, the Brown Dog.
