OK so I will warn you now, the spacekey on this laptop is beinga bit temperamental. It is because I left it out on the floor in frontof the heater (where of courseIwas lying surfing the net, it is WINTER here inthe Southern Hemisphere, with frost and fog and THE FOG, it is impossibleto drive in the fog! How i hate my fellow man!) Anyway, I may have left the laptopon the floor when I went to get a drink, and the cat may have laid (lain? lay? collapsed?) down besideit, and the Brown Dog may have jumped in a grasshopper-like manner towardsthe cat, with love in his heart of course, and he may have landed with onegiant paw heavily on the laptop keyboard, causing a slight grinding sound. But I can’t attest to this in acourt of llaw. Llaw? Welsh law. Either that, or the Brown Dog has tampered with the L key also. I wouldn’t put anything past him.
Mr. T is back ina day or so and he has PRESENTS for me, presents, yes yesss my precioussss. According to him, the streets in America are paved with gold and everyone says “howdy” and Lightbeer is still alcoholic and it isa mistake to drink with Canadians. I don’t know why. And I think he’s lying about the gold streets thing. Alsothe thing about the strip clubs. I bet they’re not mandatory at all.
My hair hurts because I have had it parted on the opposite side to usual. What do you mean, you don’t care? You TOTALLY care. I have no one to listento my little inanities and you are hereto fill the gap. So LISTEN. OK, so apart from the hair, I got my new boots and they’re abit tight around the ankle, and my ankles are stillsore from wearing my high high shoes to that thing on Thursday night (oh, I forgot to tell you about Thursday night? I’ll come back to it) andso I sort of had to wear the boots unzipped a bit, but I was wearing my Barbie socks (I CAN’T HELP IT if the socks in the 8-12 year old section fit me better, ok?) and they are, quite obviously, pink; so I’m sitting in this meeting today, freely scattering my learned opinion around, when I realise that you can totally see my pink stripey socks and my corporate image is RUINED, just ruined. Actually when I got home I found my singlet was on inside out as well, that’s OK though as I was wearing my new Allanah Hill top and you couldn’t see the singlet. Hey, can you get me a drink? Also, while you’re up, there’s washing in thedryer that needs to be folded. And the cat needs to be fed. Hey, where are you going? I was TALKING.
I dispute the fact that it is a ‘mistake’ to drink with Canadians. We invented peacekeeping and have always been somewhat compassionate. Okay the last bit is a lie given our affection towards the trivial fact of our burning down a portion of White House. This is not really the point I was coming too, if there was a point at all? … Oh yes, the point was that when drinking with a Canadian, after you succumb to the standard alcohol poisoning, we will happily phone emergency services and get you too a reputable hospital rather quickly. If it is close to last call we will even go with you. Otherwise we will drop by after last call to check up on you.