being sick isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

Being sick has given me a whole new perspective on life. For instance, did you know that daytime TV is really, really crap? I knew this before, but only in the abstract sense. When you’re lying on the couch listlessly flicking channels, TV has never looked so BORING. Even with the exciting new DVD recorder thing. (Oh, which hasn’t peformed very well in the recent storms – lots of pixellation and chirruping sounds coming through the speakers, which makes Mr. T edgy and jumpy. At one point I was watching Dr. Harry talking about cats – Bengal cats? – and the picture distorted and pixellated, and I SWEAR that cat looked just like that scary ugly dog that’s been trotting around the internet lately. Sort of like my own zombie horror movie, at random.)

Also, being sick seems to have left me with really sensitive teeth. Every time I try to eat chocolate, I almost double up in pain. This is NOT GOOD. Chocolate consists of about 40% of my actual diet. (The use of the word ‘diet’ was not meant to be ironic, but now that I think about it, it amuses me.) So if I can’t eat chocolate, I am royally screwed. I may have to switch to peanut brittle.

house of pancakes

OK, I’ve almost survived August. Just a few more days. I can make it. Maybe. I have had the flu, the flu that KILLS people. I have had the entire week off work and lost two weekends. The flu? Sucks. Really. It totally sapped my will to live, eat, drink, walk, read, or look at a screen (computer or TV). This pretty much sums up all of the things I do. All I could do was lie in bed and sleep. And not even that, because for some bizarre reason my ears were killing me and I couldn’t sleep on either side without severe pain. THE FLU! BEWARE THE FLU! I did drag myself to the doctor and he gave me NOTHING, apart from the advice I was suffering from, unbelievably, “one or more flus”. Quite the overachiever, I am. I almost got some of the flu drugs the government is stockpiling for the bird flu, but no such luck. THEY LOVE THE CHICKENS MORE THAN ME.

So, what’s been going on? Actually, I managed to start looking at the computer without feeling sick by about Thursday. So I know what’s being going on: other people have NOT BEEN SICK. It’s an outrage. They have eaten things other than yoghurt and Granny Smith apples, which is all I wanted. They have not had weird sick dreams in which there was lots of paper spread out under their heads, causing much thrashing around in bed to get all the paper (I DON’T KNOW, PITY ME).

Mr. T is not a good carer, nor patient incidentally. But he has been spared the sickness, somehow. When I first got sick, I spent the whole of Sunday in bed, thrashing around like a speared narwhale (as I said, trying to get all the paper, MY DREAMS ARE WEIRD). Nevertheless, Mr. T got into bed that night, a very gallant gesture, causing me to remark, “You’re brave. You can sleep in the spare room if you want.” “Okay!” he said, leaping backwards out of bed and fleeing the sickroom at a fast run. Charming. He may have patted my foot briefly yet soothingly during his exit.

Anyway, I went into work today and walked around touching things, which people did not appreciate. (They liked it better than the licking, though.) Then I sat there and looked sad, then I went home. Actually, I was a bit light-headed, so I drove home. Yay me!

friday on my mind

I wish I were doing something fun this weekend; but I will be working. I KNOW. You feel my pain. (Actually, you’re probably drunk. If not, feel my pain! Feel it!) I fly to Sydney tomorrow and won’t be back till Thursday. Don’t tell me any fun things to do in Sydney as I won’t be able to do any of them. Oh the pain!

In other news …

- I have bought three pairs of jeans in the past two weeks. That can’t be good.

- I was hit in the eye by a squeezy stress ball at work. I did consider coming in the next day with my eye carefully enhanced with purple eyeshadow, but the co-worker who threw it was mortified enough. (Although today he hit another co-worker in the mouth. Say what you will, he’s an excellent shot.)

- Someone asked me to do something the other day and I replied, “Si, barone!” I don’t know where that came from. I can still sing the whole DangerMouse theme song too. Again, valuable brain space taken up with fripperies! Who knows what I could have been! Oh the humanity! Oh the punctuation! Everything is so dramatic!

this report is called the threat matrix

Yes I’m fresh out of reading material but that’s just been said on TV as part of the title credits to whatever program is starting. Oh look, it’s called Threat Matrix. Is this worth watching? Doesn’t matter, it’s on regardless. The remote control is half a continent away. (Actually, it’s about 2 feet away; but possibly under a large dog, I’m too lazy to check.) Speaking of, saw the movie Sunday on ABC last night; very thought provoking, especially since I missed the title credits and had no idea it was Bloody Sunday. Until, of course, all the shooting and stuff.

Did I say I finished Harry Potter? I enjoyed it, I felt it was actually less convoluted than some of the previous books. I suppose that’s because it’s nearing the end and time for explanations. For the record (SPOILER SPOILER OH WAIT WHO AM I KIDDING) I think Snape is not evil. My explanation for this is very prosaic: these books don’t work like that. I have read, I think, a great majority of the popular fantasy sci/fi books around, as well as more than my fair share of school stories. HP is like a huge amalgam of all of these things; and going on my past experience of such plot twists, Snape will be good. He will rescue HP right when it looks like he will kill him. It will all make sense and he will be a troubled individual who dislikes HP but has, nonetheless, a strong moral compass.

Bored yet? Excellent. I went to a housewarming on Saturday night in a small country town and, in time-honoured tradition, “went for a walk”. God, people, NEVER go for a walk. Especially if you are in country Victoria and it is minus two degrees and there is a playground at the end of the road and this seems like a really, really fun idea. I couldn’t find the gate latch to get out of the property (God: “That was a HINT; Jesus, what do I have to do?”) so I vaulted the fence. Then I tried the gate from the outside and opened it. Nice. As a counterpoint to my athleticism, one of my friends fell heavily onto the road not three steps onto the footpath, losing her drink in the process (probably for the best). I stole a balloon tied to the neighbour’s fence to advertise a child’s party earlier that afternoon (actually I feel bad about this now, especially since aforementioned friend sat on it and popped it) and we made our way to the playground. I recall at one stage walking up a twisty slide, grabbing for the bar at the top of the slide, completely missing, falling heavily back onto the slide and sliding gracelessly to the bottom. Actually, that WAS fun. Especially for all those watching.

And now I think about it, this explains the massive bruise on my hip.

a nupdate

I can’t do my newspaper-headline title thing as I’ve just cleaned the lounge. Damn. What the hell else have I been up to?

  • Work is kicking my delicate, flower-like arse. If they didn’t pay me, I wouldn’t go. Hey, isn’t that the definition of ‘work’?
  • The Black Dog couldn’t walk on one of his front legs when I got home the other night. It was most distressing. Quick rush to the vet and many, many dollars later, he was limping around thanks to an anti-inflammatory injection. I have been very, very nice to the Black Dog all week as I felt so bad for him. This all ended last night when I found he had taken the almost-empty butter container out of the rubbish and had eaten all the butter.
  • The ninja magnets are active and mobile – or at least they seem to be. They are in a different position on the fridge each time I look.
  • I have discovered Bloglines. Or, rather, I have rediscovered it. NOW I have discovered that I can “View This Frame Only” in Firefox and remove the aggravating left-hand pane. On an 800 x 600 screen, that pane SUCKS, Bloglines. And sometimes you can’t resize it and you are stuck with it taking up 40% of the screen. Fix it. However now I can remove that pane, and I am amazed at its usefulness. And secondly, what’s with the partial feeds? I hate partial feeds. Pander to my needs! (Does it surprise anyone that I say this a lot at work as well? Two weeks ago I gave a presentation with the subtitle, “It’s All About Me”. Because it IS.)

Ah, I feel all cleansed and as if a load has lifted from my shoulders. Internet as colonic. And speaking of, here’s a photo of the Brown Dog with a dirty, filthy bone. Enjoy.

“O Oysters, come and walk with us!”

  • Reading:
    JK Rowling: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  • Listening:
    Gorillaz: Feel Good Inc.
  • Watching:
    Mythbusters. I think they have a bigger budget now … there’s a lot more explosions.
  • Eating:
    Werther’s butterscotch. Can’t find these things online. That’s because they’re all in my desk drawer at work.
  • Liking:
    Bloglines. Bloggy goodness.
  • Pondering:
    Badger. Badger. Badger. Badger.