skirtology

A post from BEYOND THE GRAVE! OF HOSTING! THE HOSTING GRAVE!
(Can you tell I’m really tired?)

So, my stupid host Smartyhost is down, solely due to their own incompetence. This means although I can type this now, I don’t know when you will get to read my words of sparkling brilliance. I know. It hurts me as much as it hurts you.

I was going to tell you about my skirt, the skirt I bought specifically to wear with my Nemesis Boots, or the suede knee-high boots as others may call them. (And yes, I can zip them up all by myself now, though I still walk like a stiff-legged freak for the first five minutes or so.) Anyway, I bought this skirt which is a circle skirt made from grey felt. I like it, but when I bought it I noted that the waistband was thick ribbed jersey, doubled, with thick elastic in it. This very nicely bulked out any waist I may have had and gave me the appearance of a stump. A grey stump. With suede legs. I … should stop here, I think. Anyway, I bought the skirt regardless and rationalised that I would “fix” the waistband. Well, to nobody’s surprise, it’s hung in the wardrobe since then. But I wanted to wear it today (Friday), so on Wednesday I realised that I either had to take it into an alteration place and pay money, or attempt to fix it myself. Right then. So I did.

I cut off the waistband, along with the ill-fitting lining (oh yeah, it also had an ill-fitting lining) (why did I buy this skirt again?) and added a new waistband from some black linen. Then I threaded through some elastic and -voila!- a skirt. I was so proud. Until I put it on and realised … still thick waisted. The hell? Then I realised the grey felt was proving unforgiving and sticking straight up from my hips; so I would have to take in the sides a little bit . So I did. I KNOW! I altered actual clothes! So exciting. And considering that’s half the reason I rationalised buying my sewing machine, it’s about damn time I actually put it to use. Yay me.

And I have just realised I am now in trackpants and forgot to take a photo of the skirt when I had it on. Well it’s cold and I’m damn sure not putting a skirt back on for you people, no way no how. And seeing how I can’t publish this post anyway, a lack of photo to complement the lack of posting seems appropriate.

drop it like it’s hot

On Sunday we went to a 2 year old’s birthday party, stopping on the way to buy him a toy. Of course, we bought a noisy toy – as the Childless Friends, it’s the least we could do. If I had found a mini-drum set or a tambourine I would have purchased it. I feel it’s my duty. So we ended up with an “MP 1-2-3″ player, with Sesame Street characters and about 6 short songs to choose from. The best bit is a big button, and by pressing the button while the song is playing, you get an extra noise. There’s a different noise for each Sesame character. Of course, the most annoying is Elmo – but pressing the button forces a turntable scratch “wiki-wiki-wiki!” over the top of Elmo. It is awesome. And loud. SO LOUD. Of course the child loved it and was wiki-wiki-wiki-ing all the live-long day. Now we call him by his rapper name: N-Dog.


Wiki-wiki-wiki!

comfortably numb

Did you know the permalink for the post below is “fire-in-hole.php” ? This of course made me start singing Johnny Cash: “I fell into … a burning ring of fire … thankyou … thankyouverymuch” (it seems I cannot separate Johnny and Elvis in my singing repertoire) and for some reason, I found this very funny. I choose to blame this on the anaesthetic coursing through my jaw.

No, I haven’t been abducted by aliens (that I REMEMBER, hmmm). Another visit to the dentist, this time to pry out amalgam fillings slowly leaching mercury into my precious, precious brain. Yes! I had to go to the dentist when I broke my tooth on fish (you remember, I’m sure) and the dentist seized the opportunity to capitalise on my “haven’t been to the dentist in five years” dental plan. (Not a recommended plan, I have since learned.) So last week I got a filling, and this week the replacement of an old filling. Last week’s session was done with “Lasers” (“Lasers” must be done with air quotes; those Austin Powers movies have ruined me for life) and is supposed to be pain free. Instead, I was frenetically twitching like a frog in a sock. The dentist, puzzled, dialed it right down from “painless yet loud” to “gentle breeze wafting across cherry blossoms” but still I writhed. “That’s very sensitive, isn’t it?” she said diplomatically, no doubt making a mental note to write on my chart: “Giant Cry-Baby. Avoid and/or Make Fun Of.”

So this week, instead of the “Lasers”, I got the full-on needle in the jaw. Needle! Jaw! Are you still reading? So once the left side of my face had finished tingling and was comfortably numb, hundreds of instruments and sucker things and clamps and tennis balls were pushed into my mouth. Where I proceeded to twitch like a pithed frog. (I’m big on frogs today, it seems.) “You’re not supposed to be feeling ANYTHING,” reproved the dentist, removing all the picks and drills and sports equipment. And replacing them with THE NEEDLE AGAIN. Of course, this time I couldn’t feel it. But even with TWO needles full of anaesthetic, I could still feel the drilling. I swear. I’m not just being a baby. The dentist was most interested, and explained that the nerve that runs from the lip is the same that runs to all the teeth, and that nerve was definitely numb. (In fact, with all the extra numbing, I couldn’t feel under my eye and, horribly, half my ear.) The dentist said the problem was that I probably had more nerves there than normal. In fact, she said I was “extra enervated”. Extra enervated! You heard it here first! I’m totally putting that on my C.V.

fire in the hole

SO. TIRED. Must stop staying up and reading “The Stand”. Considering drafting a strongly worded letter to Stephen King, discussing why the book has to be so LONG. Doesn’t he know I can’t stop reading and I have to get up and go to work?

So I am OVER the whole websites-going-down thing. I couldn’t figure out how to get the comments up again, so have installed a new comments system. It’s pretty! It works! I have migrated a few of the old comments over to it, but unless I can figure out a way to do it quickly I don’t know that I will do all of them. You know, all my thousands of comments. Still, I like all the comments I get (you guys are amusing) so I can almost guarantee I’ll move them on over. It’s not like I have anything else to do, right? Right?

So what else is new? There were some miners down a hole, that went on for a while. I did some sewing. I was sick for a while. I bought more books. My small camera is back on board after the eBay purchase of a new battery (I missed you, little camera! Wah!) I vaguely considered ranting on the Cute Overload pics of the neo mastiff and the baby, but lucky for you I didn’t. (The photos are awesome yet the comments thread is fulled with hysterical “OMG call child protection!!!11!” Bah. That second photo is a PLAYBOW, my dogs do it all the time. Dominance my arse. See, you’ve got me started. Deep breaths.) I lost my credit card for several panic-filled days over the weekend, before finding it stuck down the back of the passenger seat of my car. (No cheese there this time.) I have run out of cat biscuits and RIGHT NOW there is a baleful yellow glare upon me. I bought a camera flash for the big camera and am very excited about it.

I do have posts scattered hither and yon in text files strewn around my desktop. I will hunt them down and post them up. You’re so lucky!

PS. It’s freezing. Send scarves.

hostapalooza

… Well, that sucked.

I hosted this site with a company called Smartyhost, which last week decided to move servers or something. I don’t know. All I know is they changed their FTP activation and now don’t support passive FTP, which is what Blogger needs. Leaving this site high and dry and unupdateable. And of course this made me WANT TO UPDATE! UPDATE! Let me SPEAK to my MINIONS!

Also, don’t think I hadn’t noticed the hubris of posting an IQ score, then losing my site for days. I am SORRY FOR INCITING THE WRATH OF THE BUNNY GODS. Sigh.

Anyway! Text posts that are hiding in files and emails and whatnot! Coming soon! Whoo!

PS. This is my 200th post. Will try to do better.

test-icular

Well, that was time consuming. Not helped, might I add, by that freaky-ass rabbit staring at me on every page. I’m pretty sure he has the calicivirus. It’s like myxamytosis, but modern!

So do you think I should print this out and take it to my job interview tomorrow?

ninety

Good lord, it’s May. How did that happen?

My nana turned 90 on Friday. Pretty impressive, I know. I made her some little zip purses and filled them with lavender things, like talcum powder, which she likes. You know, old people stuff. I sent them off last Monday and then, after talking to my Mum on the phone, thought I would just check the internet to see what the flights were like. And Qantas was all, we would like you to fly return to NZ on short notice for $349. And I was all, thank you Qantas, I will do that. So I worked Anzac Day (by myself, no less. It was good, in that I cranked up the speakers and the heating and had myself a little heated nest instead of the arctic air conditioned temperatures. Bad, in that I couldn’t find the main overhead lights and had to work in the dark.) which meant I could take Friday off and fly out of the country and surprise my nana for her birthday dinner. Just so you know, I had reservations about this. My mum insisted I be a surprise. I kind of thought I might be the sort of surprise that would kill a 90 year old. But no, my nana first thought I was my sister and then saw it was me and was most delighted. As well as a family dinner on Friday night, on Sunday nana also had an afternoon tea at my parent’s place for all her old lady friends, so I was petted and admired by about 30 old ladies. Mum and I busted out the afternoon tea stuff: I rocked the devilled eggs while she made asparagus rolls, and my aunt bought club sandwiches, and there were savouries and cakes and date loaf and about 600 cups of tea, “not too strong dear, I have it quite weak with a wee bit of milk”. So that was all quite fun, if not exhausting, and I’m pretty sure I’m in the will. And I got my hair cut and bought some gumboots and a Speights T-shirt. No, really, I did. AND, on the flight back (early morning Monday, with the plan to go straight to work from the airport) I had the whole row of 4 seats to myself. This has never happened to me before. I took full advantage and stretched out immediately the seatbelt sign was turned off, lest some small child or overly fat person covet my extra seating.

And now it’s May, which really snuck up on me this time. It’s full autumn here now, which is beautiful, and I am even trying to see a type of stark beauty in the muddy dog pawprints dried onto the white tiles … hmmm. Still working on it.