imaginary oratory

I tend to talk to myself quite a bit, just in my own head. Often I wave my arms around too. And walk around when I’m thinking. I think this is what they call ‘nervous energy’. Anyway, I was in the bathroom the other night, getting ready for bed, and I was making an excellent point. To myself. I was speaking in a marvellous and spirited manner, brushing my teeth and making perfect sense whilst practically solving the problems of the world. My imaginary audience was admiring. Encouraged, I waved my arms around some more, spat in the sink and made an excellent rebuttal. As I headed towards the grand finale of my speech, imaginary listeners avidly listening to my every word, I pulled my zipped sweatshirt off over my head in a grand gesture. Well, I tried to. As I did so, the zip pull flicked out and was neatly caught by my left nostril, nearly pulling me off my feet like a hooked fish.

Needless to say, my grand oration was abruptly halted mid flow. I checked for blood, because it hurt THAT MUCH. I tell you, nothing makes you feel stupider than doing something ridiculous like ramming a zip up your nose. UNLESS it is doing it while pretentiously disclaiming to an imaginary audience. Burst my bubble, it did. Almost literally.

3 comments to imaginary oratory

  • Ohh dear!
    I talk to my self alot. Thank Merlin you are not a man and ziped something else! I am sure if Mr T reads this he would wince… and no it never happend to me.

  • Damnation. Tea went up my nose when I read this, as it cracked me up. It did not help my siuses. Or my sinuses, one bit.

    {I do the same sort of thing, if that makes you feel any better}

  • Dood, I’m down with that. Both the self-lecturing and self-harming.
    Even worse, I go through entire combinations of dance steps and technique in my head. Mostly when I’m lying in bed, trying to get to sleep, but getting all worked up and fidgety (nothing is less sleep-inducing than imagining you’re dancing. And dancing well).

    …maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that on the internet. Now it’s floated off into the ether and gotten stuck into someone’s head as it flies through the air via wireless internet stuff. Enjoy me dancing, stranger.

"Make a remark," said the Red Queen: "Its ridiculous to leave all conversation to the pudding!"




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