I tend to talk to myself quite a bit, just in my own head. Often I wave my arms around too. And walk around when I’m thinking. I think this is what they call ‘nervous energy’. Anyway, I was in the bathroom the other night, getting ready for bed, and I was making an excellent point. To myself. I was speaking in a marvellous and spirited manner, brushing my teeth and making perfect sense whilst practically solving the problems of the world. My imaginary audience was admiring. Encouraged, I waved my arms around some more, spat in the sink and made an excellent rebuttal. As I headed towards the grand finale of my speech, imaginary listeners avidly listening to my every word, I pulled my zipped sweatshirt off over my head in a grand gesture. Well, I tried to. As I did so, the zip pull flicked out and was neatly caught by my left nostril, nearly pulling me off my feet like a hooked fish.
Needless to say, my grand oration was abruptly halted mid flow. I checked for blood, because it hurt THAT MUCH. I tell you, nothing makes you feel stupider than doing something ridiculous like ramming a zip up your nose. UNLESS it is doing it while pretentiously disclaiming to an imaginary audience. Burst my bubble, it did. Almost literally.