Thanks guys. Appreciated. And hopefully, in the words of Forrest Gump (a movie I say I don’t like but end up watching every time it comes on): That’s all I have to say about that.

I have the cat with me in the new place and, I have to say, (not in the words of Forrest Gump (I don’t think)) he is freaking right the fuck OUT. I had forgotten he gets like this. When I moved into the last place, I locked him in the bedroom and he got himself stuck up the tiny ornamental chimney. I remembered that, but I had forgotten that he also hid under the bed for literally days. And that’s what he’s doing here – it took him fully 24 hours to leave the bedroom and slink round the perimeter of the rest of the house, meowing soulfully all the while. I feel bad. If he doesn’t come right I will take him back to the dogs, which would break my heart, but hopefully he will bounce back to his usual self. At least he remembers how to use a litter box.

This place has included internet (I KNOW, they are FOOLS) but unfortunately it is cable. If you were going to internetify an entire complex, why not make it wireless? Or at least put more than one cable socket in the place? Are you listening, God? It’s me, Margaret. Anyway, with internet on tap, I’m hoping I can do away with the need for a phone line. So I downloaded a 2 week VOIP trial (at for any Australians interested). And then I bought a little headset with a microphone, and rang my mum in New Zealand. (Yes, free.) I had to keep explaining to her what I was doing, and she kept marvelling, “But you sound so CLEAR!” like we had somehow regressed to the 50s and were using rotary phones. Anyway, it’s working well. Recommended so far. Especially if you get the sort of headset I did, which has earphones and the little microphone arm which sticks out, and makes you feel like a receptionist. Excuse me, I think I have some filing to do.


You may remember from a recent post when I said the more things are happening, the less is written. Hence my large writing gap. I have moved house, to a little place in St Kilda and I can’t figure out how to work the heating and I’m fucking freezing. The whole place is brand new and I keep thumping the radiator thing and optimistically feeling round the sides for some sort of switch thing and it doesn’t exist; it doesn’t exist I tell you. Anyway, the reason I have moved is that Mr. T and I have split up. Like the way I just threw that in there? I was considering making this a trainwreck journal considering I feel quite trainwrecky, but it’s just not my thing. So all you people can back away from the bookmark button; nothing to see here. Anyway, I doubt I will write about this much. My plan so far is to wake up and go to work and go to sleep and wake up again. I’ll see how I go with that. This is no surprise to me by the way; it has been coming for an extremely long time, but due to our exceptional Secret Agent skills it is only the rare few friends and family who would have had much idea. So don’t feel bad, it wasn’t just you in the dark.

There was an apple in the lift at work today, wedged between the handrail and the lift wall. I watched it as we went down to the ground floor, the apple and I, and I thought about Isaac Newton. But I don’t think his apple would have gone up and down and up again. Although you never know, what with the space time continuum and Harry Potter and all. Then I thought that maybe I would be the only person who saw that apple who would think of Isaac Newton, and that made me sad. And then thinking of Isaac Newton made me think of the Da Vinci Code, and that made me angry. The point of this story is: don’t expect a whole lot of sense out of me. I am strangely comforted to think this has never been the case.

roomba = balrog

Stay away from the bathroom, Roomba! Just because I have run out of virtual walls and have to manually block the entrance to the bathroom, doesn’t mean you are allowed in. Back! Back! The power of beer and bog roll REPELS YOU!

Go back to the shadow … YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Another triumph for beer! Hooray for alcohol!

update update

As usual, there’s a lot going on and not a lot of writing happening. The more happens, the less gets written about. If that’s not a law of nature, it should be.

Black Dog Update:
We hate him. So, so much. He is showing improvement, but just enough to prevent us from killing him and not enough to allow him to walk. He is whimpering constantly to himself in the night, waking everyone up and generally being irritating. If he wasn’t so cute it would be Rug Time (like Hammer Time, but with less parachute pants).

Brown Dog Update:
Has learned to jump blithely over the Black Dog when he is lying in his way. Last night he came into the lounge, climbed up onto the unoccupied sofa, sat himself down and looked around. We were actually too gobsmacked to do anything. (The dogs are not, nor have they ever been, allowed on the couches.)

Cat Update:

Sleeps a lot.

Craft Update:
Nothing. I make nothing. I sew nothing. I actually have some cool stuff I am halfway through (halfway is a gross overstatement. I am 10% of the way through). 50c pure cotton teatowels from Ikea + 7 Days of the Week transfers from PatternBee = 0.5 of a teatowel completed. Yet it looks good and I quite enjoy doing it. However I don’t. Because I have a new toy. See below.

Laptop Update:

Ah, that new laptop smell. Fast. New. Powerful enough to play YouTube videos without stuttering. Not temperamental. I love it. Poking around, I came across an “HP Games” folder, with about 20 games in it. Except! They’re not really games, but demos of games which expire after 60 minutes. I ask you. (Rhetorically.) So I am working my way through my hourly games and then deleting them. Take that, pathetic HP Games. Oh, and in the manner of technology everywhere, the laptop is now cheaper. Yes, my 2 week old laptop is now on sale at Officeworks for $100 less, but without the bonus of Microsoft Office which was bundled with it. Know what the bonus is now? An iPod Nano. Guess which bonus I would have preferred. Le sigh. Oh, and it has Norton Antivirus installed which SHITS ME SO MUCH. Viruses would be less irritating than the windows which pop up every few minutes asking for a full system scan. If it were DOING ITS JOB, it wouldn’t NEED a full system scan. Gah.

Spring Update:

On its way. Thank God.