ghetto laptop

OK, so my poor ghetto laptop. I told you I’d come back and talk about it. I don’t blame you for not believing me.

See, I’m not very good to my laptop. Although it’s only two years old, it lies around the house, mostly on the floor, and stays open and gets food on it and god only knows what other abuse. The area next to the touch screen is scratched all to shit from me using an external mouse on it without a mousepad. But the worst part is that because I leave it open a lot, the easiest way to pick it up is by the top of the screen: I KNOW THIS IS BAD and if you don’t know this is bad then TAKE MY WORD FOR IT IT’S BAD. Anyway, spare me your tsking because of course the hinges have snapped. The hinges at the sides that allow the lid to open and close, I mean. At first, it was only one hinge, and I was irritated and rough with it because I had no idea what was going on… you don’t really expect something MECHANICAL to bollocks up on your laptop, you know? Catastrophic hard drive failure, or pixels failing in the screen, fine, but not a piece of metal wearing out from fatigue. Well, maybe you do. I sure as hell didn’t. Googling has since taught me that this particular laptop is rife for broken hinges, well THANK YOU GOOGLE as I DID NOT THINK to check ‘hinge durability’ during my quest for a laptop. If you did think to check this, then kudos to you, because it certainly never crossed my mind.

Anyway, when your hinge breaks, and then your other hinge breaks, and Mr. T unscrews your laptop screen surround and informs you that your laptop is ALL KINDS OF FUCKED, what happens is that the screen part becomes attached to the keyboard part by only a couple of wires. This seems fine, until you realise that to use a laptop, the screen has to be sort of VERTICAL. Being attached by wires only means it pretty much stays HORIZONTAL, if not leaning drunkenly towards the floor or sliding alarmingly to the side, meaning you have to lunge desperately at the screen lest it part ways entirely with the rest of the laptop. What this means in practice is that you have to use your laptop with your knees drawn up, so as to let the screen part rest backwards against your knees. The other way you can do this is to lie on your side on the new carpet, and stand the laptop up on its side, tilting the screen to its preferred angle. Of course, it’s then completely impossible to type, so apologies if my commenting dips from its current craptastic levels down to non-existent.

This all sounds sad, right? It’s even sadder when you realise this happened several months ago, and I ebayed and purchased the correct hinges, and they arrived and Mr. T installed them and my laptop was all happy again (although not really, as the hinges were second hand and already temperamental). Anyway, this lasted about eight weeks and I sort of got back into my laptop routine and I once (twice) (couple of times maybe) (definitely) picked it up by its screen again. Guess what? Yeah. I need to get back onto ebay. And also stop being such a DUMBARSE.

many snippets with no cohesion

It’s June! Month of sporadic posting! Let’s see how I go. Actually, I keep emailing entries to myself from work so that I can post them when I get home, then when I get home and read them, I conclude I am clearly on drugs. Such as the below, which I wrote around about Wednesday last week:

Today I am wearing a long skirt, pulled up to tube-top style so I’m wearing it as a dress. There’s a long sleeved top underneath, but I don’t know. I can’t get past the fact I’m wearing a skirt up to my armpits. I feel a bit like an old man with my trousers pulled up too high. I’m also wearing my suede Boots of Pain, and you know what? No pain. It’s also not raining today, a strategic advantage when wearing suede boots. Actually I’m lying about the pain, now that I think about it the sides of my index fingers are sore from pulling up the zips. Send in the clowns.

Right, see, so I’m not too fussed with editing my own stream-of-consciousness, so the whole emailing stuff to post later is a bit confronting for me. Blurt it out and forget about it, that’s my motto. Anyway, here’s another one about the one thing I’ve actually done recently:

I booked our flights to San Francisco last week… yes I did. It’s on frequent flyer points, but we are still paying the taxes (damn you Qantas and your craphole frequent flyer system) and all the expenses associated with it. Why are we going on a three-week overseas holiday in the same year we bought a house? Because we are mental and have no idea of the concept of money. I scare myself, frankly. Regardless, once I get over the hyperventilation, the trip itself will be great. In my defence, this holiday has been planned (in a concept sense) for over 12 months and I insisted on the annual leave when I came to the new job; so might as well take it up. It started as an adjunct to a conference Mr. T had in Oklahoma, but the conference was cancelled and the holiday was… not. There will be road tripping, Grand Canyoning, Disneylanding, tramping through national parks (likely Yosemite but maybe over to Joshua Tree? to be decided), vague plans of maybe Canada or more likely Mexico (TOLD you this was vague), then back through Honolulu for a few days to get over the vagueness. Suggestions welcomed.

And suggestions are indeed welcomed, although that probably means I have to do something about them, and frankly I don’t know if that’s on the cards. But if any Americans reading want, I don’t know, Tim Tams or a cork hat or a wombat or something, I am more than happy to import one for you. Except for maybe the wombat as those are heavy fuckers and I’m pretty sure that would blow my baggage allowance. Also wombats are probably classified as ‘liquid’ and I’m sure as shit not attempting to stuff an angry wombat into a small plastic bag.

And here’s the last one I wrote, we’re now up to date as this was written last weekend (not the weekend just gone, the one before that, not that you care):

This weekend had stunning autumn weather (Melbourne does this so well) and as a result I got completely zero accomplished. Oh wait, we bought the rods for the wardrobes, but didn’t hang them. The wardrobes are these giant built-in jobs, and when I say ‘built in’ I mean they go all the way to the ceiling, but they’ve been added in after the house was built. What this really means is that they were nailed in OVER the top of the old carpet, causing us to freak out and wonder how the hell we were going to get the carpet out to recarpet. (Answer: just pull the carpet out from under the framework. I shudder to think of the building compliance of our house.) Anyway, apart from this small glitch, the wardrobes were sort of organised; in that there were racks of those white wire baskets built in. Now, I am no fan of organised wardrobes generally (I KNOW, I am a heathen and hate all that most home renovators hold dear) and twenty-year old white wire baskets, which are flaking and cracking and discoloured and generally vile, are not likely to help me change my mind. So those got pulled out (they’ll be on my front verge soon if you want to come and pick them up) and there will be hanging rails across the whole wardrobe space. Well, there WILL be. After the weather turns bad again, probably.

….and to finish: they are up! I have hanging space! A happy ending. I know you’re as thrilled by this big finale as me.

Note to self for tomorrow: ghetto laptop. Cryptic,no? (No. It really is a ghetto laptop). All will be explained.