Oh hai! Would you like to see some nature photos?
Isn’t that a lovely branch. Nice and large, from one of the trees that line the scenic boulevard of Swan Street. Very large indeed, it was, as it SNAPPED OFF THE TREE and fell DIRECTLY ONTO MY WINDSCREEN as I was driving along the road. Holy jesus fucking wept, people. Nature attacks! Luckily I was by myself on the road; but – I was BY MYSELF ON THE ROAD! How unlucky do you have to be, to be driving along an empty road and have half a tree fall directly on top of you? Christ on a motherfucking cracker. I had no warning – all I heard was an almighty BOOM as it hit my bonnet, then a pleasant rustling sound as it BOUNCED up my windscreen and rolled over the top of my car. What can you do? After I pulled over, and helped a cyclist pull the branch out of the road (it took two of us), and took these photos, I had a look at my car. It had a big bark scrape up the bonnet, and the branch sort of mangled my windscreen wipers (it must have pulled them up and out as it FLUNG ITSELF at me) but apart from that it seems to be OK. No dents or scratches that I have yet found, and Mr T scrubbed off the bark markings last night. I tangled with a tree AND LIVED. Nature 0, Land Rover 1.
Look how THICK that is! If that had fallen at an angle it would have come directly through my windscreen and speared me through the heart. Or something. I’m not willing to rule it out at this point. Also I feel the need to accentuate my trauma, since I sent these photos to my boss yet got no stress leave or danger money. I did get to go to the pub for lunch though. Beer helps dull the pain of the post-traumatic stress flashbacks.
Onwards to more photos! Ones that don’t show the harbinger of my death!
I have been sewing and I have a little helper. He likes to lie on the wadding, and he likes to bat around the buttons, and he likes to jump upon a small piece of material and run off and hunch over it, nomming it like his life depends on it. But I emptied out one of my caddys looking for a zip, and when I turned back THIS had happened:
This is not right. I know there is space for two, but I don’t even want ONE. Actually, the more I look at that photo, the more I feel sort of vertiginous. It’s the angle, combined with the lines of the carpet, or something. I feel like my eyes are crossing. Maybe they are.
It’s been hot here the last few days, so the kittens are sleeping stretched out. WAAAAAY out.
Hey, that’s MY bed. And I made it and everything, which is a really rare occurrence, like, I don’t know, getting HIT BY A TREE or something. I’m not thrilled with you both lolling all over it, to be honest. Why don’t you go and sleep on someone else’s bed?
…Oh. You are sleeping on someone else’s bed. The poor dog is sleeping on the floor. That sounds about right.
