live in a cold climate

You know it’s a bad sign when you have to read your own blog to figure out what you’re up to. Answer: you’re totally up to date. Nothing more has happened. OK, maybe a little bit has happened. Shall we do bullet points? Answer: Yes.

Mr T has bought some bathroom scales, which is an item we have never owned. He set them up and levelled all the complicated electrickery parts (of COURSE they’re the complicated kind of scales) and then weighed himself. I then weighed myself out of interest and was horrified. HORRIFIED. Now, I haven’t weighed myself for a good couple of years but I am quietly confident that my weight doesn’t change much. I like to think I weigh X, I actually weigh X + 3kg, and yet these scales were telling me that I weighed X + 8kg. The scales are WRONG. Clearly. Can’t be right. Can’t. I shifted my weight to see if that would help, and nearly tipped the cat off my shoulders where he was… ah. Right. That’s five extra kilos of STUPIDITY, right there. Ahem. After releasing the cat (who was quite enjoying himself) it turns out I weigh X + 3kg. As I thought. Actually, these scales can also tell you your fat percentage, a no doubt horrifying number that I have NO WISH to know.

Wedding update: OK, I was lying about the bullet points. It’s paragraphs, all the way!

Days To Go: Actually, I don’t know. Calendar? 23 days. OK then. That seems… close.

People Freaking Out: One, my mum. Maybe more. Although she now has something to wear, which is good.

Bridesmaids with Clothes: One, or 100%. This is good, because I forgot my sister can’t make a decision to save her life, and therefore telling her to wear whatever she wanted was actually a special kind of torture. Anyway, she found an awesome dress in peacock blue silk. Done.

Grooms with Clothes: One, or 100% (200% if you count the best man, who just has to follow along, poor lamb). Clothes had all been decided ages ago, but we couldn’t find any shoes (barefoot would have been fine but bloody cold). Shoes found: Chuck Taylors, which look great. He is considering bright blue ones, but turned down the silver velvet ones (silver velvet! They were so nice to pat). I’ll keep you posted on what actually eventuates.

Wedding Dresses Owned: Three. Yes. Correct. Remember when, a couple of weeks ago, I said there was a long story here? Well clearly it has now gotten even longer, and is in fact so complicated that I can’t remember where in the story I am up to when I talk to people, and just sort of gloss over the whole thing. Short story: decided on dress and couldn’t find anything similar off the rack or as a sample or second-hand. My only option, with my short timeline, was to get it made in China. China sent me the dress, which was a) the wrong colour and b) had a gigantic starfish made of beading on the bodice. I pointed out this out. China flogged the 9-year old seamstress (I may be extrapolating this part) and sent me the dress again, without requiring me to send back the other dress. Received dress number 2, which was the right colour but (due I presume to being made within a week by a flogged seamstress) had one shoulder strap half a cm larger than the other and because this colour fabric was somehow thinner, the boning was visible through the dress. Well, I felt it was, even though my Objective Opinion Person thought I was mad and that the dress looked great. It just wasn’t as awesome as I’d hoped. But the dress is flattering and fixable and I was prepared to fix it, especially considering I got it made at the standard length and had to get it taken up anyway. Except that on Saturday I just stuck my head into the clearance bridal shop I had been to at the start of my search (and found nothing then) and… of course found a dress. It’s basically the floor sample of the original dress which had just made its way into the store that week: identical designer, identical colour, very similar cut, half price. So of course I bought it and now I have three dresses. And keep in mind this is the SHORT version of this story. Are you exhausted yet? Try being me. So the moral of the story is as I said it was all the time: buying a dress off the internet is a gamble, but it is one that can pay off. If it doesn’t, be prepared to deal with it.

No, Wait, Go Back to the Starfish: I know, it really is the funniest part. On the original picture of the dress, there’s a brooch on the bodice. I didn’t think to mention the brooch to the Chinese people, as I planned to turf any tacky brooch they sent me and source my own brooch. Here is a mistake right here: NEVER ASSUME. Because instead of just pinning a crappy brooch to the dress, they “interpreted” the brooch in beading. A LOT of beading. With ARMS. I was… mildly nonplussed when I zipped open the bag, that’s for sure. I have just gone looking for photos but they are all blurry once I crop myself out of them, so I’ll get right on that.

What, No Photos At All? I’m as surprised as you are.

Car Update: Eleven weeks. ELEVEN WEEKS. I have the patience of a SAINT. They tell me this Saturday. They have told me this EVERY Saturday. I am… not optimistic.

6 comments to live in a cold climate

  • I definitely need to see the starfish dress! I’m sure you can find an occasion to wear it :)

  • lacroix

    The dress I wanted, 10 billion years ago mind you, was a runway dress (ahem, super expensive but super cute). I took a photo to a woman who worked sewing machine magic and she made me a copy.

    Also 10 billion years ago in a galaxy far far away, I wanted a SMALL event, my mother wanted a BIG event. She was freaking out a full 6 months before the wedding. You have my deepest sympathies on that front. I spent those 6 months wondering if I killed her would I be able to get off with a “temporary insanity due to freaked out mother” plea.

    Oh, and congrats! Wishing you lovely weather and a stress-free day! :)

  • Karl

    The patently obvious conclusion to be drawn is that you are now required to have at least two daughters, of appropriate size. After all, one can’t be wasting perfectly good wedding dresses.

    And, only X + 3 Kg? Phooey on you young people and your metabolisms. I haven’t looked at a scale for a couple years either, because I *know* what it’s going to say, and I ain’t listening la la la la can’t hear or see you…

  • Oh my God, only 23 days! It’s so close. I really hope that you are not too rushed off your feet to post a photo of the starfish dress because? AWESOME!! Made me truly LOL. As did the additional 5 kilos of catfat you’ve been carrying around. Easiest diet ever though.

  • As surprised as I am? That’s… not very surprised.

    Good luck with the mother! And, you know, the whole marrying thing. Also, I DEMAND PHOTOS OF TEH STARFISH WHAT KIND OF BLOG IS THIS I DEMAND A REFUND.

  • Bernice

    Let me address the issue of the car. Eleven weeks? What, are you pretending to be Jane Bennet? It’s OK, I’ll just sit here and wait? Eleven weeks? Bugger photos of the starfish dress, I think we deserve to see photos of the car WHEN you get it back. Plus the front of the mechanics’ premises so it can avoided at all costs. Or is this part of a cunning plan – to quietly slip ‘late model sedan’ on the wedding list?

"Make a remark," said the Red Queen: "Its ridiculous to leave all conversation to the pudding!"




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