I ONLY HAS A PLASTIC BOTTLE TO LOVE

Honest to god, how big is that dog? 42 kilos, to be exact. He is eating like a sumo wrestler, but at . . . → Read More: long weekend]]> We went to Gippsland for the Queen’s Birthday three-day weekend. Did you go? Funny, I didn’t see you there. I did see a Big Dog there:

I ONLY HAS A PLASTIC BOTTLE TO LOVE

Honest to god, how big is that dog? 42 kilos, to be exact. He is eating like a sumo wrestler, but at least you can see where the food is going. I haven’t had a puppy before and I have been shocked, SHOCKED at how much he eats. When he’s an adult he will eat about half of his current intake; I feel like I’m trying to keep a teenager in Weetbix.

Anyway, apart from chewing on bottles, we did a bit of motorbike riding. Hard-core motorbike riding. Wait, that should be in caps: HARD-CORE motorbike riding. Also to be said with that echo boom voice. Oh yes. Exhibit A below:

I’m not sure what my favourite thing about this photo is: the delight of Mr. T in wresting this bike from a six year old, or said forlorn six year old in the background. What goes around comes around, and (unsurprisingly) Mr. T cracked his knee on the handlebars very soon afterwards. Hey, at least he didn’t ride it into the dam.

This is in Port Angeles, Washington state. You might . . . → Read More: cross now]]> What I think I’ll do is just post random pictures and tell you about them, rather than trying to do some huge uber-entry. Can I do umlauts in WordPress? I’m not sure. Your uber will have to be served without an umlaut this time round, sorry.

This is in Port Angeles, Washington state. You might know Port Angeles as the home of Twilight (although I guess that is Forks, and I went there too. I digress. You’re probably used to it.) Anyway, Port Angeles. We stopped here at the farmers market and ate a gigantic plate of steamed clams with butter. And directly afterwards we went to a diner-thing and I ate a dungeness crab sandwich for lunch. It was delicious. But my point: to get to the farmers market we had to cross the road. A normal road, with a pedestrian crossing and clear visibility, through a shopping strip. And tulips too, which was nice. But on the poles of this pedestrian crossing were these crosswalk flags, and instructions on how to use them. You were supposed to take a huge, fluoro-orange flag and walk across the road with it. Like a small child. In the middle of a shopping strip. I was amazed. Mr. T was less than impressed. Well, you can probably guess how this went down.

“My god! You’re supposed to cross the road with a flag.”
“I’m not carrying a flag.”
“You have to! Clearly it’s the rules here. Look. Read the sign. You have to take a flag.”
“I am NOT. Carrying a flag across the road.”
“TAKE A FLAG.”
“Fuck your flag. YOU carry a flag.”
“It’s my BIRTHDAY. [It was, too.] I want you to carry a flag. It will be my present.”
“There is no way.”
“OK, I will carry a flag and you walk beside me.”
“Nobody is carrying a flag. I will stay on this side of the road forever before I touch one of those flags.”
“My birthday?”
“No flag.”
“I hate you.”

So ultimately we dared the traffic (the occasional car was going at about 10 miles per hour) and crossed the road without a flag. Daredevils! And unfortunately on our way back to the car, we were further down the road and crossed at traffic lights, an intersection sadly bereft of flags. Letdown.

We didn’t see anyone else cross the road, so I still have no idea if people were truly supposed to take a flag. I imagine there would have been more takers if they promised to ward against werewolves, but this wasn’t mentioned. Wasted opportunity, there.

Clams and oysters. I ate so much seafood on this trip. Mostly with butter.

La Push beach. Severe absence of werewolves. Still pretty though.

Anyway, my most recent absence has been to to . . . → Read More: MIA]]> Look, it’s the internet! HIIII INTERNET. Here I am. Did you miss me? (Great silence) See, that’s what I thought. Fickle internet! Now you’re onto your new sporadic-posting, giant-dog-having blogger of the moment! And I even updated my template (again). For you. FOR YOU, INTERNET. Oh the humanity.

Anyway, my most recent absence has been to to my parents visiting Melbourne for my mum’s 60th birthday, which has been fun. It also means my house has been cleaned to the apex of its possible cleanliness. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that my mum, and my sister to an even greater extent, are compulsively tidy people.  By that I mean that yes, they clean, but more properly they Neaten. Neither will leave a room if there is a mug or a newspaper or a pair of shoes that should be whisked into their correct place. They will wipe down the bathroom sink before they leave the bathroom. They hang up clothes after they wear them. Me? I am not a Neatener. I am sort of its polar opposite: a Messener. Yes, I’m totally making up words here. You see where I’m going with this. Anyway, it’s not like my mum doesn’t know this, being my mum and all, but she is my houseguest and so if I don’t clean stuff up, she will get up and do it instead, negating the Guest part. So I have been strenuously houseproud for about two weeks now and damn, it does not come naturally. I wish it did, because my house is so much nicer to live in, but it is totally against my slovenly nature. And by that, I mean that I will leave a mug on the side table overnight. For a few days, even. Shoes will build up by the front door (mostly due to Mr. T, who is unfortunately a fellow Messener). The bathroom sink gets hair and toothpaste on it as well as the necklace I wore last week and the glass of water I drank the week before that. Clean washing builds up in a big pile instead of being folded and put away immediately. It’s not a Pit of Filth, but it’s far from the home of a Neatener, if you know what I mean. Anyway, if anyone knows some sort of shock therapy or something to make you enjoy Neatening, please let me know. Or just apply the electrodes directly to my scalp. I love surprises!

I have no more photos of the dog, surprisingly, but here is an update: he is either ripping things to bits (sheepskins, soft toys, bones) or fast asleep after having been to dog daycare. Have I told you the dog goes to daycare? It is HILARIOUS. We want to keep him well socialised around other dogs, so he goes to daycare a couple of days a week and romps around with tiny, tiny puppies. They still class him as a puppy so he’s in with dogs about the size of his head. He’s very gentle apparently, so he gets to stay with them rather than moving in with the big dogs. He comes home completely exhausted, staggers into the house, eats his dinner, and falls asleep immediately for about 14 hours. It’s brilliant. They also give you a little sheet telling you all about what he’s done during the day and who his best friend was. ADORABLE. Hey, I guess if you’re paying for daycare, you get the full daycare experience. No webcam unfortunately but possibly that’s for the best.

And although I can’t find photos of the dog, I have found more of the trip. This one is from one of the freeways, driving into Seattle. State freeways and highways are numbered, of course, and here in Victoria they’re usually in a shield or a circle or something. Nothing so boring for Washington state, however:

The road numbers were in a Big Head. The big head of, you’ll notice, Washington. Big Head! Of Washington! Awesome, I tell you. Hey, if you have a legitimate reason to include Washington in your signage, I am totally in favour of using his Big Head everywhere you can.

Listening: Les Miserables soundtrack.

Watching: How does that large white cat fit into that tiny cubby in the cat tree? MAGIC, that’s how.

Eating: Peanut butter M&Ms. It’s probably for the best I can’t buy them here.

Liking: House plans. Not so good: putting them into action.

Pondering: My complete lack of singing ability. I used to be in choir! Admittedly . . . → Read More: They hadn’t any feet.]]> Reading:
“The Road”, Cormac McCarthy. Bleak.

Listening:
Les Miserables soundtrack.

Watching:
How does that large white cat fit into that tiny cubby in the cat tree? MAGIC, that’s how.

Eating:
Peanut butter M&Ms. It’s probably for the best I can’t buy them here.

Liking:
House plans. Not so good: putting them into action.

Pondering:
My complete lack of singing ability. I used to be in choir! Admittedly I was twelve, and a lot of things have gone south since then; but still.

FEED ME SEYMOUR

Pssht, you say. He’s only about the size of that cat. That admittedly, fat and fluffy cat. Practically chihuahua-sized, that dog.

The cat, by the way, is . . . → Read More: triffids]]> Oh look! It’s the tiny cute puppy we have living here. Did you miss him? Did you feed him? No, really, did you? because he is HUGE.

FEED ME SEYMOUR

Pssht, you say. He’s only about the size of that cat. That admittedly, fat and fluffy cat. Practically chihuahua-sized, that dog.

The cat, by the way, is sitting in a plant pot, being overgrown by the lawn. Well, more of a triffid than a lawn there, I’ll admit. Triffids everywhere around here. Apparently it rained while we were away and the lawn enjoyed it. Anyway, back to the puppy. I don’t think I can call him a puppy any more. He is more like a Little Dog. The perspective of the cat is skewing my data.

I SCRATCH VIGOROUSLY AT YOUR DATA

Also note the triffid lawn has not been consistent and has left charming dry spots intermingled with muddy spots. Guess who likes the muddy spots. No, guess. He’s the one with the sheepish grin on his face. OK, sorry, I didn’t let you guess. I’ll do better next time.

WATER! BIRDS! WATER!

When you look at him compared to Mr. T, you can start to realise several things:
1. This puppy is six months old and the size of a border collie
2. AAWWWW
3. Wait, go back to the first part, I wasn’t paying attention… BORDER COLLIE. Jesus.

Anyway, in summary, the Little Dog is back with us and all is well. He was staying with his breeder, and her four Brown Dogs, including his mum and his sister. My one concern about boarding him there was that he wouldn’t want to leave. Not unfounded, considering the fun he had. But leave he did, and slept for about three solid days – all that playing, I’m guessing. And even though he has been growing like a WEED, he is only a little bit taller than his sister, and one of his brothers is taller than him; they’re not lying about the giant breed thing, you know. He is a little bit naughtier (he learned it from the other dogs! All the other ones are naughty, not MINE!) and sort of forgot how to sit and drop… but he is just as happy and gentle and smart as he always was. Just, you know, BIGGER.

Listening: The puppy muttering and twitching in his sleep. Quite loud, he is.

Watching: Huge banks of TVs in electronic shops. Do we need a new TV? Really?

Eating: Chicken schnitzel rolls. It’s a sickness.

Liking: New cowboy boots! Canada, you have been good to me.

Pondering: The inherent crapness of traffic. Westgate roadworks, I’m looking . . . → Read More: And this was odd, because, you know,]]> Reading:
“Otherland”, Tad Williams. I think I need some new books.

Listening:
The puppy muttering and twitching in his sleep. Quite loud, he is.

Watching:
Huge banks of TVs in electronic shops. Do we need a new TV? Really?

Eating:
Chicken schnitzel rolls. It’s a sickness.

Liking:
New cowboy boots! Canada, you have been good to me.

Pondering:
The inherent crapness of traffic. Westgate roadworks, I’m looking at YOU.

O HAI. Yes, I disappeared. Sorry about that. Well, not really, because I was on holiday. Yay! Holiday! We went to the USA and Canada. Have I mentioned this trip? I can’t even remember. Anyway, Mr. T had a conference in Dallas and so we used his free flight as an excuse . . . → Read More: travelling jac]]> … and then what happened?

O HAI. Yes, I disappeared. Sorry about that. Well, not really, because I was on holiday. Yay! Holiday! We went to the USA and Canada. Have I mentioned this trip? I can’t even remember. Anyway, Mr. T had a conference in Dallas and so we used his free flight as an excuse to poke around in the northern hemisphere. As such, I flew into Seattle as his conference finished and he flew up and met me there. Then we went all round Washington and Oregon states, then up to Canada: Vancouver, Whistler, Banff and Jasper. It was great. Well, of course it was; it was a holiday. I have only one camera downloaded so far, which is the Good Camera, so it has all the scenic shots, like so:

I know. I would like to be back there right now. Maligne Lake in Canada. Sigh. Usually it’s bluer and, you know, waterier; but I am from New Zealand and beautiful lakes are everywhere. Beautiful FROZEN lakes, however, are a total novelty to me and I LOVED them.

Anyway, I’m back, the house is a bombsite, the cats are back from the cattery and they are freaked THE HELL out. Also they smell like bleach. That’s a good thing, I’m thinking, as the place is clearly scrubbed to within an inch of its life; however I hope they weren’t actually bleaching the cats. I mean, the ginger one could do with a bit more blonde, but that’s a bit extreme.

More updates to follow, once I get my A into G and shake this jetlag. How have you been, internet?

Listening: Mr. T’s endless CD of mp3′s in the rental car. Yes, there is such a thing as too much Guns N Roses.

Watching: Elk! Snow! Deer! Chipmunks! Mountains!

Eating: Twinkies! (Note to self: Still don’t like Twinkies. Stop eating them.)

Liking: Cheesecake pancakes counts as birthday cake, right? That’s TWO types of cake, practically.

Pondering: Ah, . . . → Read More: Their shoes were clean and neat–]]> Reading:
Guidebooks and the TomTom screen. Turn left. LEFT!

Listening:
Mr. T’s endless CD of mp3′s in the rental car. Yes, there is such a thing as too much Guns N Roses.

Watching:
Elk! Snow! Deer! Chipmunks! Mountains!

Eating:
Twinkies! (Note to self: Still don’t like Twinkies. Stop eating them.)

Liking:
Cheesecake pancakes counts as birthday cake, right? That’s TWO types of cake, practically.

Pondering:
Ah, holidays. If work didn’t pay me, I’d never go. Which is sort of the point, I guess.

Listening: Lady GaGa. Not because I particularly want to, but because she’s unavoidable.

Watching: Awful, awful infomercials. I need to go to bed earlier.

Eating: Easter eggs. And Easter bunnies. I don’t discriminate.

Liking: Anticipating the upcoming holiday WHEEEE

Pondering: If the Australian dollar will stay strong. That’s right, . . . → Read More: Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,]]> Reading:
Trip Advisor. You people are never satisfied! You like nothing! NOTHING!

Listening:
Lady GaGa. Not because I particularly want to, but because she’s unavoidable.

Watching:
Awful, awful infomercials. I need to go to bed earlier.

Eating:
Easter eggs. And Easter bunnies. I don’t discriminate.

Liking:
Anticipating the upcoming holiday WHEEEE

Pondering:
If the Australian dollar will stay strong. That’s right, my pretty…